As I battle against sleep deprivation, the harshness of another winter in Calgary & more calls from work asking if I can cover just one more shift this week, Justin became informed of a current feud and upcoming boxing match between (so called) rappers Soulja Boy and Chris Brown and decided that he would ask the whitest white person he knows (That would be me) to write about it.
From what I can gather, this so called “feud” is due to Soulja Boy-real name DeAndre Cortez Way-liking a picture of Brown’s ex-girlfriend, Karrueche Tran. This for some reason enraged Brown, prompting a Twitter rant from Soulja Boy who went searching the streets for Brown in an attempt to fight him.
Wow, already this feud has the makings of Ali/Frazier except minus the talent, credibility, toughness or ability of anyone with functioning brain cells to really give a rat’s ass. Should I continue? Well, I’ve already started writing this article and you’ve read this far. Let’s finish together! (That’s what she said!)
So enter former top rapper/current awful boxing promoter Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. Along with Floyd Mayweather’s barely relevant Mayweather Promotions, they will be putting together an official boxing match between these so-called ‘men’ for a date in March.
To make things more exciting (Because right now on a scale of 1 to 10 this is right now ranging in at 0.004), former multi-division champion Floyd Mayweather will be training Soulja-Boy and former heavyweight champion, Mike Tyson, will be training Chris Brown.
Oh, where do I begin? Aside from downing a lot of alcohol, naturally.
So this is all due to one rapper liking the picture of another rapper’s ex on some form of social media?
Not because he stole her from him, had an affair with her behind his back, got her pregnant? Nothing raunchy like that?
No. He just liked a picture of her.
And remember, this is an ex.
Whatever happened to ‘Out of sight, out of mind’?
You’re right, that would imply they had minds.
Anybody remember back in the 1990s when feuding rappers would at best release diss tracks and at worst, try to kill each other?
There’s a reason we call those the good old days.
Then we get to the matter of the two main characters at the center of this plot: Soulja Boy and Chris Brown.
The former is famous for that one ‘Crank That (Soulja Boy)’ from 2007…and that’s about it. Not even 30 and already in the ‘Where Are They Now? (Not That I Care) category.
The latter, Chris Brown, is most famous for the song…um, uh…does anyone know any hits Chris Brown is famous for? Aside from the ones he landed on Rhianna in 2009.
And don’t gasp and act all shocked that I said something like that. You name something Chris Brown’s done since then because I sure can’t.
So enter Tyson and Mayweather, two men who you’d both expect to be in the corner of the guy famous for beating up a woman. But no, Tyson’s firmly in Brown’s corner while Floyd is teaming up with Soulja Boy to help prepare them for a fight that oddly enough got made quicker than Canelo vs Golovkin.
Why are we pretending that we care about these two? Does anyone who enjoys hip-hop/rap really care? They’re nonentities. If they were any lower on the hip hop/rap totem pole, they’d have been signed to Floyd Mayweather’s defunct Philthy Rich Records.
After a year where boxing fans deserved a lot better than what we actually got, 2017 should be a year where we start properly voicing our opinions with our wallets. Don’t pay money for this. Spend money on booze, you’ll have a much better time guaranteed.
Oh and my prediction for this three round fight? Who do I think will win?
Anyone who decides to watch this fight on an illegal stream instead of paying good money.